--*Why Are We Having Problems Selling the Novel?

--*Nobody wants to read about the internal journey of Richard Nixon as he squares off with a menacing satyr character in the afterlife. And it needs more sex in it.

--*Nobody wants to read a story about the ghost of Richard Nixon stuck in our refrigerator.

--*The whole storyline about the 13-year-old girl coming to grips with her sexuality wasn't really meshing with the story about the invasion of Normandy.

--*It's really hard to turn corn/ethanol subsidies into drama, no matter how unfair it is.

--*Our protagonist, a member of a grassroots Tea Party organization, really had no valid points.

--*After our lead character had her sixth autistic child, she was really just losing our sympathy.

--*It's hard to laugh at the subject of abortion. Unless of course the story is really, really hysterically funny.

--*It's very hard to write inside the mind of a schizophrenic, an infant, or Glenn Beck.

How Are Schizophrenics Comforting Us?

(Originally posted Monday, January 19, 2009)

What are schizophrenics saying to offer us comfort?

--*"Don't worry, your soul dies last."

--*"Heck, you might as well live a little cause in the future you're already dead."

--*"You gotta just throw caution to the wind when you're surrounded by killer bats."

--*"Home is where the bodies are."

--*"The closer you can get to your own body, the happier you'll be."

--*"We've got to fight the terrorists over there to keep from fighting them over here."

--*"Love through war. Peace through strength. Pull my finger."

--*"Don't worry. When I made love to the duck it was already dead."

--*"I can't shake your hand because I belong to a really backward sect of an old Abrahamic religion."

--*"It's OK. I'm John Lennon, not you."

--*"There must be a God because you survived that Hudson River plane crash."

--*"There must be a God. There must be. There must. There must."