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The Retributioners is about a woman's quest to seek validation and revenge on everything from ex-boyfriends, former friends, people who stole her taxi, and everything in between.

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Entries in Jersey Shore (5)

Friday
Mar122010

--*What's On TV Tonight, March 4

DateFriday, March 12, 2010 at 01:19AM AuthorRetributioners

2 CBS
Survivor: Lord of the Flies. Tonight, the tribes finally do away with Piggy.

3 FOX
American Idol: Everybody sings like Duffy this year and has diabetes.

3 FOX
Dead spouses and criminal records up the wow factor on Houseand American Idol both.

3 FOX
Ellen DeGeneres, Howard Stern and Grandpa from "Hee Haw" love Crystal Bowersox.

4 Vh-1
Beautiful and Infected (reality)

5 ABC Family
Keeping Up with the Palins

6 NBC
Palin Fear Factor

7 Vh-1
Palin of Love

8 Bravo
Growing Up Palin

9 Discovery
How Little Palins Are Made

10 History Channel
A new game show: Genocide or Not Genocide?

11 CNN
A new wrinkle in the New York governor scandal: David Paterson is also apparently deaf.

12 700 Club
A spot news report: While God apparently vacations on other side of the world, a catastrophic earthquake strikes Chile.

13 MTV
Punch Snooki in the face once, shame on you. Punch Snooki in the face twice, shame on Snooki.

14 Lifetime Movie
At the sound of the crying, the self-knowledge will begin.

14 Lifetime Movie
Mark Harmon: Not dead.

15 Discovery
Because of environmental clean-up efforts, biodiversity returns to New York Harbor--just in time for global warming to flood and kill everything.

16 Bloomberg
A look at the companies that by virtue of their sheer size can be the biggest alternative energy producers and the biggest polluters at the same time.

17 700 Club
Economic Outlook: Why Christians Should Hoard Gold

18 Animal Planet
Dolphins Talking Shit

19 Spike TV
A new reality show: "Douche Town"

20 Cinemax
Beaver Trapping with the Palins

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Tuesday
Feb162010

--*What Are Some of the Most Popular New Internet Memes?

DateTuesday, February 16, 2010 at 06:22PM AuthorRetributioners

–*Rock star yourself

–*Mad Men Yourself

–*Avatar Yourself

–*Ewok Yourself

–*Jersey Shore Yourself

–*Do Something With Yourself

–*18th Century French Whore With Syphilis Yourself

–*Uninsure Yourself

–*Turn Yourself Into a Tea Party Crackpot

–*Join a Militia

–*Take Back Your Country From the Black People

–*Commune with Other People Who Share Your Unfocused Rage

–*Make Yourself Politically Aware Without Doing Any Reading

–*Do a copycat suicide

–*Mail in an application to become one of the millions of people who murdered John F. Kennedy

–*Set Fire To This Cartoon Tree

–*Set Fire To a Real Tree

–*The “start your own religion machine” tailored to your own particular belief system, one that rejects icons, accepts Jesus as four different substances, replaces fiat currency for a gold standard, acknowledges the existence of Bigfoot, and confirms the superiority of the Beatles over the Rolling Stones.

–*A new application that would show you how you might look different if you had any imagination whatsoever.

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Monday
Feb082010

--*Who Are Your Favorite Characters From the MTV Hit 'Jersey Shore'?

DateMonday, February 8, 2010 at 04:18PM AuthorRetributioners

--*Snooki

--*JWoww

--*The Situation

--*Pauly Q

--*Ootsie

--*Salmonella Bob

--*Vittles

--*Fuck Face

--*Oatmeal Pete

--*Sidewinder Sally

--*Back Door Sue

--*Grandma Hattie

--*The Issue

--*The Problem

--*Orange Alert

--*Orange Tan Alert

--*Melanoma Mary

--*Tits

--*Spooge

--*Race Bait Vin

--*Zulu Dawn

--*Boom Boom

--*"Uncomfortable Silence" Frank

--*Fixodent and Forget It

--*Mau Mau

--*Your Place Or Mine

--*Diphtheria Chuck

--*The Awesomeness

--*Guido the Killer Pimp

--*"Sid" In Quotation Marks

--*Sid Without Quotation Marks

--*The Situation With Mange

--*The Situation With Crabs

--*The Accidental Dismemberment Situation

--*Pauly-Tony

--*Tony-Pauly

--*Angie From Exit 82

--*Angie From Exit 86

--*Ichabod

--*Staten Island Scurvy

--*Pauly No Club Foot (In Memory of Pauly Club Foot, who now sleeps forever in quick lime)


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Monday
Feb012010

--*What Were Some of the Headlines From This Year's Grammy Awards?

DateMonday, February 1, 2010 at 01:52AM AuthorRetributioners

--*Snooki of the reality show Jersey Shore dies in bizarre a pre-show red carpet appearance after somebody accidentally pours salt on her.

--*Steven Tyler sings a musical version of his cease and desist order against his band mates in Aerosmith who would dare think to continue without him.

--*Lady Gaga arrives dressed as the Solar System. Scientists on the red carpet criticize her inclusion of Pluto, while Joan Rivers says she looks like Uranus.

--*American Idol sensation Larry Platt sings his surprise hit songs, "My Pants Are On the Ground," "Help I Need Insulin," "I Haven't Eaten In Three Days," and "What Are You Laughing At, I Just Said I Haven't Eaten in Three Days."

--*Lady Gaga dresses like an outrageous cross between a white tiger and a Lincoln Towncar.

--*To outdo her performance last year, when she performed while pregnant, the artist M.I.A. this year breaks water onstage.

--*Lady Gaga dresses like a suppurating appendix.

--*Stephen Colbert keeps the ceremony loose by reminding us its OK to laugh and to dislike tonight's Grammy-nominated music.

--*Colbert makes a joke at Susan Boyle's expense. Since she isn't at the Grammys in person, it's safe to say we're laughing at her not with her.

--*3-D "Grammy Glasses" handed out before the show allow viewers at home to be literally surrounded in mediocrity.

--*Michael Jackson is remembered for the spunk he put in every adult and child.

--*Beyonce's song "Single Ladies," beats out the Beatles, Shakespeare, quantum physics and Darwin's work on the evolution of the species as the apex of human achievement as far as Kanye West is concerned.

--*Taylor Swift is blonde.

--*The Black Eyed Peas debut their new song, "I'mma Drop M' Vowls."

--*Lady Gaga and Elton John appear covered in soot, spermaceti wax, No. 5 viscosity motor oil, cheese whiz, Gerber baby food and whatever else we can throw at them.

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Sunday
Jan102010

--*What's On TV Tonight, Jan. 10?

DateSunday, January 10, 2010 at 07:10AM AuthorRetributioners

2 CBS
LL Cool J is so cool no matter what he does that we've decided to put whip cream on him and stick a log of butter up his ass to see if he can make even THAT look cool.

3 ABC
Extreme Makeover: Just because you're eating stray dogs in an alley doesn't mean the cardboard box you live in has to be an eyesore.

4 NBC
Network executives discover that even though Jay Leno is funny after the 10 o'clock news, he's not funny before the 10 o'clock news. Maybe Americans will just laugh at anything when they're in a bad mood?

6 Fox
<em>The Simpsons </em>has been on for 20 years. I think that we now have enough Simpsons episodes in the can to cancel everything else, wouldn't you say?

7 ABC Family
Americas Funniest Home Videos: Watch two chestnut horses pursue their legal right to get married in Oklahoma.

8 Animal Planet
Tonight on "Wild Recon," animal adventurer Donald Schultz goes after that most elusive of biospecimens in Orlando, Florida--the uncircumcised European tourist.

7 ABC Family
Harry Potter and the Uncircumcised European Tourist

7 ABC Family
America's Funniest Racist Graffiti

13 PBS Frontline
Canadians fleeing socialism continue to pour into our borders and must make up at least 81% of our population, notes an upstate New York gas station attendant.

15 The History Channel
Since you're not interested in Hannibal and his march on Rome, how about we do a documentary about the ghosts of old New Orleans prostitutes. Would that inspire your interest in history?

17 Golf
A Golf Channel Exclusive: "Driving With Wood: The Tiger Woods Story"

17 Golf
Tiger Woods: From The Head To The Shaft

17 Golf
Tiger Woods: Shooting 14 Holes And Counting

17 Golf
Tiger Woods: From The Car to the Curb

17 Golf
Tiger Woods: From the Curb to the Curb to the Fire Hydrant and Back To the Curb

17 Golf
"Holes, Putting and Grass--The Endless Joke Potential of the Tiger Woods Scandal"

17 Golf
Why is Tiger Woods giving up golf? Because he doesn't like the golf clap.

17 Golf
Why is Tiger Woods taking time off from golf? He has to work on his swinging.

18 E! Entertainment Television
What kind of wood doesn't float? Natalie Wood.

19 A&amp;E
One to hold the bulb and 100 to spin the room.

20 BET
So you can take her home like a six pack.

20 MTV
<em>Jersey Shore</em>: Is it too late to build a fence to keep out Italians?

20 MTV
How about the Irish?

22 Fox News
Nope, we pretty much just want to keep out the Mexicans.

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