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The Retributioners is about a woman's quest to seek validation and revenge on everything from ex-boyfriends, former friends, people who stole her taxi, and everything in between.

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Wednesday
Mar032010

--*Washington, D.C. Stripper Blasted for Incompetence

Sally Jessie Rose, a 52-year-old stripper who works at the Bare Elegance Lounge in Washington, D.C., was blasted yesterday by both Democratic and Republican lawmakers alike for her horrible dance routine and shocking disregard for quality adult cabaret entertainment.

"This stripper is just terrible," said Rep. Jackson Peyton (D-Idaho). "I mean, it's OK to tease, but it's not a tease anymore if it lasts for, like, four hours. At what point does she just take it off?"

"There is no inspiration in her moves at all," said Jefferson Potlach, a Republican representative from Wisconsin. "It's like she can barely be bothered to take off her clothes in front of us."

Rose did her strip routine some four hours after the Senate agreed to pass a bipartisan bill extending unemployment compensation, legislation that passed in a highly polarized political atmosphere in which gridlock has become the order of the day. However, the jobs bill and Sally Jessie Rose's horrible and chafing lap dance were encouraging areas of bipartisan consensus, said President Barack Obama.

Though we have differences about execution, both Republicans and Democrats agree that unemployment is a top priority, and that Sally Jessie Rose's feather boa routine was lackluster and hostile, just the sort of negative, 'I don't care' attitude that brings us all down."

Senator Jim Bunning, a Republican from Kentucky, had threatened to hold up the jobs bill because he thought it would add to the deficit.

"This is a free market economy," said Rep. Jim McAllen of Utah. "At some point, the market must sustain itself, and the market will take care of those who are responsible and those who are irresponsible. This Sally Jessie Rose person, for instance, is not getting any sort of tip from me. The market knows what to do with her drag-ass, low burlesque routine."

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