–*Rock star yourself
–*Mad Men Yourself
–*Jersey Shore Yourself
–*Do Something With Yourself
–*18th Century French Whore With Syphilis Yourself
–*Turn Yourself Into a Tea Party Crackpot
–*Join a Militia
–*Take Back Your Country From the Black People
–*Commune with Other People Who Share Your Unfocused Rage
–*Make Yourself Politically Aware Without Doing Any Reading
–*Do a copycat suicide
–*Mail in an application to become one of the millions of people who murdered John F. Kennedy
–*Set Fire To This Cartoon Tree
–*Set Fire To a Real Tree
–*The “start your own religion machine” tailored to your own particular belief system, one that rejects icons, accepts Jesus as four different substances, replaces fiat currency for a gold standard, acknowledges the existence of Bigfoot, and confirms the superiority of the Beatles over the Rolling Stones.
–*A new application that would show you how you might look different if you had any imagination whatsoever.