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The Retributioners is about a woman's quest to seek validation and revenge on everything from ex-boyfriends, former friends, people who stole her taxi, and everything in between.

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Thursday
Jan282010

--*Why Are We Skipping Tara Reid in 'Playboy'?

The most recent issue of Playboy magazine features a pictorial with actress and notorious party girl Tara Reid naked. Why might men want to skip this most recent issue?

--*They've already seen Tara Reid naked in the film Body Shots.

--*They've already seen the pictures of Tara Reid naked on the red carpet at a notorious P. Diddy party a few years ago.

--*They've not only seen the pictures of her at P. Diddy's party, but have noticed that she's undergone several flawed plastic surgeries that make her less appealing and a little alienating.

--*They've seen the pictures, noticed the plastic surgery and realized that her neurotic need to be perfect--when she was already pretty enough--also makes her less appealing.

--*They've seen the pictures, noticed the plastic surgery, and realized that the Tara Reid they are looking at now is largely a reconstructed Terminator version of the actress and that really they are masturbating to pictures of a robot.

--*They've seen the pictures, noticed the surgery, realized that they're masturbating to a robot, but also likely realized that Playboy so excessively retouches and airbrushes its women that pretty much every woman they're masturbating to in the magazine is a robot.

--*They've seen the pictures, noticed they're masturbating to airbrushed robots and realized that they are masturbating to an over-culturalized ideal of beauty in the first place and that their responses to Tara Reid are mostly conditioned by tastemakers and scum bags.

--*They've already seen Tara naked, noticed they're masturbating to the Terminator and realized that the whole idea of femininity is over-culturalized.

--*They've seen her naked, realized they're masturbating to R2-D2, and figured out that both men and women share masculine and feminine traits and that the cartoonish version of female sexuality that the silicone version of Tara Reid represents is degrading to both men and women alike and fails to address the fullness of a person's sexuality and humanity.

--*They've seen her naked before, they've realized they're jerking off to Robby the Robot, and they realize that all sexual attraction is an illusion based on a need to propagate DNA and that mostly the female object of the male gaze is an elusive and non-existent semion that represents only the male's ideal version of himself--an unachievable goal that leads him only to frustration and a lack of enlightenment.

--*Seven bucks? Jesus, the porn on the Internet is free!

Reader Comments (1)

Well done.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLori

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