Things Not Quite Overheard at the Golden Globes

(Originally posted Monday, January 12, 2009)

What were some of the thingsoverheard at this year's Golden Globes? (OK, actually overheard at your next-door neighbor's party in the West Village).

--*"She looks like a tramp!"

--*"What are they thinking?"

--*"Is this a wax museum?"

--*"Miss Havisham called! She wants her skeleton back!"

--*"Drew Barrymore looks she's been embalmed."

--*"Shoot that guy in the face!"

--*"I just don't buy Lisa Rinna's newfound wisdom about aging and internal beauty. I think she doth protest too much."

--*"Is Maggie Gyllenhall stupid?"

--*"She looks like my dead cat."

--*"Nietzsche said that when man cannot express himself because of self-consciousness, he turns to art as an act of ressentiment. ... You know, I think Nietzsche's dead, syphilis-ridden corpse would look better than Renee Zellweger does tonight."

--*"Brad and Angelina talked to Billy Bush but not Ryan Seacrest. Evidently, there's some kind of difference between these two red carpet hosts that only sophisticated connoisseurs of idiocy know about."

--*"Did everybody decide to dress badly tonight just to confuse all of us catty people at once?"

--*"Did Mickey Rourke win an award just to confuse all of us catty people at once."

--*"I sure hope this feeling of superiority I'm supposed to be feeling kicks in soon."